neverlooksaway | Follow Through (for thenewnormal)

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Follow Through (for thenewnormal)

[Continued from TFLN]

Michael wasn't sure what he was doing, driving out to the Valenti cabin because Alex asked him to. It didn't make sense, but, then, nothing had since he'd gotten the misfired text. He thumbed back through the texts to look at them again. hot guy...huge crush... He found himself going back to the "huge crush," piece in his head while he drove. Then? Now? Still? Why was Alex planning to seduce him? What had he learned? Was Michael just setting himself up for more heartbreak?

Probably. Alex did this, though, pulled him right back in, made him believe, and then walked away. So, why, again was he backtracking when he missed the turn, taking the right one, rather than heading back to Roswell?

Because he was stupid for Alex Manes, and probably a little bit masochistic.

It took longer than it should have, with the backtracking, but he finally saw the lights of the cabin and turned off into the drive, pulling up to the cabin and cutting the engine off. He could still turn around, go back, but he knew he wouldn't. He was too curious about what Alex wanted here of all places, too keen to know what it was he was talking about, and too desperate to see just how and why he was planning to seduce him.

Still, he kept thinking about turning around even as he found himself at the door, knocking lightly.

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Michael was glad Alex didn't just launch into more questions. He was still trembling a little from the adrenaline--or whatever they had in its place--rush of the panic attack, and curling up next to Alex sounded far better than talking more, going into more hard stuff.

He quirked a half-smile at Alex's explanation that wasn't really, but was, tied to who and what they'd been and maybe who and what they'd become--he wasn't sure.

But he stretched out on the bed, in turn, still with his fingers wrapped around Alex's before giving him a look. "That's a cruel bait-and-switch, Manes." Especially since he had to know Michael still wanted him. Alcohol wouldn't go amiss, but he also didn't want to drink too much if he was supposed to head back home after he spilled his guts about the alien stuff.

Alex glanced over at Michael and chuckled. "That text wasn't supposed to go to you, remember? I was going to say that I needed to show you something and--" He stopped, thought about what he'd just said, and shook his head. "Never mind. You would have taken that the wrong way, too."

If it was really the wrong way. Here he was, lying next to Michael, and it was a sheer effort of will not to do anything but hold his hand. He wanted to wrap himself up in Michael and forget their shitty childhoods.

"I just wanted to get some real answers. To...know who you are."

"Yeah, but then you said it was about me, implying that was still your plan," Michael pointed out. "I don't think you can say I took anything the wrong way."

But he couldn't really argue with the wanting to get to know who he was.

"You could've just asked," he said after a moment, looking over at Alex in turn. "I've wanted to tell you for ten years."

"I didn't know to ask. Not until I found something in the basement of this place when I didn't even know it had one. Then I only knew...something. Enough to do research. Enough to track down every lead I found back to my father. It wasn't until I broke into his computer system that I realized you were involved. And that was just this morning."

It had answered a few questions and raised over a dozen more. And he had even more questions now, but it felt nice to just lie here with Michael and ignore the stampede of elephants in the room.

"And besides, if you wanted to tell me...why didn't you?"

"I meant tonight." He frowned a little. "I'm sorry I freaked out like I did. I...don't know what that was. I just...the room was too small and I couldn't breathe. I haven't felt like that in a long time."

Not since he was a kid, really, and maybe that was partly why he didn't want to go any farther with the explanations tonight.

But, at least the question Alex asked now was one he could answer without issues. "It's been the one rule we've lived by all our lives: don't tell anyone. Ever. If no one knows about us, then we...and they...are safer. I didn't care; there wasn't anyone I ever wanted to tell until you."

Alex wasn't sure what it was about that last statement that broke some barrier inside him. Maybe it was that one of the hardest parts of loving Michael was that he didn't really know Michael. Not the way he wanted. And there was so much baggage that Alex wanted to share that he didn't know how to. About his own childhood. About why he'd left. About how time in the service. And now about how his father had disappointed him once again.

He turned in the bed and leaned in and kissed Michael softly.

No matter how angry he was, how sad, how unsure. This always felt the rightest thing he'd ever done.

Michael wasn't expecting the kiss, even though he'd been making an idiot of himself being very clear about how much he wanted it sine he'd gotten pissed at the first text message, thinking Alex was getting ready to hit on someone else. But he turned into it immediately, reaching to cradle Alex's jaw with his hand.

He knew it wasn't necessarily a good idea, getting tangled in Alex, but he'd never managed to untangle himself from him, so what did it matter if he fell right back in. It was where he wanted to be, anyway; the only place he'd ever felt like things were right in the world.

He could have made more of the kiss. It wouldn't take any effort to settle against Michael's body and go at it like they were teenagers again. But they'd done that again and again and it didn't seem to change anything. One of them would say or do something that would piss of the other one and they in turn would make the first angry and in the end...Alex would leave.

Except this time, his enlistment was almost up and he had nowhere to go.

So he kept the kiss gentle. This wasn't about sex. It was about showing Michael what he meant to him.

Michael was shaken up enough still that he didn't automatically try and ratchet it up, either. He did press closer, wanting to feel Alex as close as possible without it being about sex. There was still a trembling deep inside, and it grew a little again. Too much emotion, too fast, when he was used to holding it in.

He focused on the details, the small things--the feel of Alex's hair under his fingertips, the taste of him on his lips, the sound of his breath. Michael's heartbeat pounded in his ears as he broke the kiss and dropped his forehead to Alex's shoulder, wrapping his arm around Alex to just curl into him and work on trying to not break down crying or something ridiculous that there wasn't any real reason for.

"Do you want to come to bed, Michael?" He had his arms wrapped around Michael and his nose buried in his hair. As much as he wanted to stay in this position all night, his leg would not appreciate it in the morning, but he was afraid that sense would slip into Michael once they moved.

He ran his fingers along Michael's spine.

"Just sleep." And cuddling. Because he didn't think he could stop touching Michael now that he'd started.

The only thing that made sense in his life in a lot of ways was here with Alex. He calmed the chaos, made things settle. He arched a little into the fingers down his spine, then huffed a bit of a laugh, pulling back to give Alex a small smile.

"Yeah." He wasn't quite as sure about the 'just sleep' part, but, at the same time...just curling up in Alex's arms for the night sounded like heaven. He didn't really care if it was sensible or not. "Yeah, I would."

He sat up and pulled off his boots, at least, finally shrugged out of his jacket, though he hesitated at anything else, even if, really, stripping down more would be better for sleeping. Or cuddling.

Except Alex was already stripping out of his jeans. He wasn't quite as rough and ready - and did his brain have to go there? - as Michael was. He sat on his side of the bed and undid the prosthetic, leaning it against the bedside table, and then slowly rolled off the case that enclosed what was left of his leg.

He glanced over his shoulder for a minute. He'd never been embarrassed by what happened to him, but common sense told him that he should have been at least a little shy about showing it in this kind of circumstance. Maybe it had been the situation, the hunger with which they'd come at each other that overrode any common sense. But he didn't feel it any more now.

He supposed he should lump it in with everything else that confused him about Michael and their relationship.

Michael watched him for a moment, gave him a small smile when Alex looked at him. He shucked off his jeans and socks, 'til he was in just his boxers and a t-shirt, then turned down the covers.

His gaze brushed over the prosthetic and the abrupt ending of Alex's leg, and had a flash of hurt and anger, for him, for his pain. But it certainly wasn't anything he wanted Alex to be shy about. He got it, though, if on a smaller level. He still had his hand, but it didn't work right anymore. He hated when people stared at it, hated more when they purposefully avoided looking at it.

He settled down under the covers, rolling on his side to face Alex, watching him expectantly.

Alex snapped the light off and then settled into the bed. He reached an arm out and wrapped it around Michael's waist, tugging him in a bit. He could still remember waking up next to Michael the last time and that contented laziness he'd felt until he heard the car come up.

There was still a faint glow from the light he hadn't bothered to turn off in the other room and he used it to guide his lips to Michael's in another soft kiss.

He could close his eyes right now and call the day a success.

Michael shifted to snuggle into Alex, returning the kiss with a soft, contented noise. His delight when he'd woken up to find Alex still there that morning had been astronomical in its scope. That Alex had stayed, to get to wake up with him, wrap around each other with kisses and touches...it was ridiculous how many times he'd dreamed of that, and how he'd never thought he'd get to have it.

He wasn't sure what tomorrow would bring, in the least. There was still a lot they had to talk about, things he had to confess, but he didn't want to think of them, now, or of what Alex would think or say when he heard them. He was aware this might be the only time he got to have this.

Sliding one leg over Alex's, he tucked closer, letting his fingertips stroke up Alex's arm, along his jaw. He didn't push for more, but he also didn't want to not be touching Alex, savoring each brush of skin against skin.

Alex hummed softly and let his fingers slide under Michael's shirt, smoothing up and down the line of his spine. He shouldn't encourage this, whatever this was. There were still too many things left unsaid. Too many things still left between them. But here in the dark with Michael, it seemed as if anything was possible. Or maybe as if the world outside didn't exist and they could just stay here in this bubble forever.

It was all too familiar a feeling.

"I thought..." Another kiss. "...I wasn't seducing you tonight."

Michael wasn't necessarily angling for anything else, yet, but he definitely wanted the kissing, cuddling, and touching. He didn't want to keep his hands to himself, and he didn't want Alex to keep his to himself. Each touch of Alex's fingers running over his spine made him shiver, and shivering was better than trembling.

He nuzzled softly at Alex's jaw, nibbling along it, then back to his lips for a soft, but deep kiss.

"You've actually..." He nipped at Alex's lower lip, but just with lips, no scrape of teeth, not yet. "Been very flip-floppy on that point. You could flip again..."

Alex pulled Michael back with a hand in his hair and stared at him as a corner of his mouth slowly started to lift into a grin. "Flip-floppy?" Guerin could get away with sounding dead serious about a lot of things, but Alex couldn't help but chuckle at his use of that word.

"Maybe if you think I'm so--" No, he couldn't use the word without laughing. "--indecisive, you should be the one to seduce me."

He shook his head and leaned in to kiss him again, the smile still spread on his lips.

Michael narrowed his gaze at the teasing. He was supposed to be eloquent and come up with coherent words when he was wrapped up in Alex's arms, in a real bed, half-dressed?

"Uh uh. I came here with the promise of seduction," he pointed out in a murmur against Alex's lips. Of course, he followed that up with a slide of fingers down over Alex's hip, teasing his fingertips under the edge of his boxers, brushing over the back of Alex's thigh.

This is probably a bad idea. The words were in Alex's head, but they didn't leave his lips. Of course it was a bad idea when nothing between them was really settled but when Michael didn't drive him up the wall, he actually made Alex happy. It was that constant see-saw between emotions that made it so hard and for now, at least, it had absolute swung in favor of happy.

"It doesn't sound as if I'm going to have to do much of the work." Except then he kissed Michael. Kissed him with intent instead of the soft kisses they'd been giving each other up to this point, parting Michael's lips with his and then stroking his tongue much the same way Michael's fingers were wreaking havoc with his senses.

Michael's emotions had been flying all over the place, out of control, from the moment he'd gotten the first text and through everything since--jealousy, confusion, hope, anger, terror, grief, relief, hopelessness, desire, love, frustration, exhaustion. He'd felt like a yo-yo most of the night, and the adrenaline still flickered along his nervous system.

But the touch of Alex's hand on his skin, the press of his body close, the fact that he was letting him--that he wanted him to--stay: these things were calming the chaos, like music used to, like being in Alex's arms still always did. He didn't even need the kisses, the seduction, for this to be good--not that he was going to say that, especially as Alex's tongue tangled with his and more of the confusion eased under a wave of pure want.

He moaned into the kiss, meeting that intent, encouraging it with his own. His hand slid higher to settle against the curve of Alex's ass and pull them tighter against one another so there could be no doubt about how much he wanted him.

Alex wasn't sure where he was. He knew things. He'd been researching all things alien and so he'd been able to put two and two together. But there were still so many things he didn't know. They hadn't gotten to the point where Michael had decided to stay. Maybe he hadn't wanted to leave his family behind, maybe he couldn't. And maybe what Alex would learn would change his feelings.

Only there wasn't anything he could think of that they hadn't already been through. His feelings were still a mass of confusion with every instinct saying 'mine'. It didn't help unconfuse him that Michael seemed to be saying the same thing back.

The only thing that didn't seem confusing was this, this desire, this need. He moaned softly when Michael grabbed his ass and pulled them together and Alex rubbed against him, sliding one leg between Michael's to give them both a little more friction as they moved against each other.

Michael hooked his leg around Alex's, hips rolling into him in an unconscious rhythm. He was hard and aching, and that didn't really even matter, so long as they stayed close. The hunger that he felt for Alex was a constant, whenever they were close, but it went so much deeper than the physical. The physical was easy, once he figured out what he wanted. But the desperate desire to be lose himself in Alex, like that was the only way he'd really find himself, too?

That always terrified him, because it made him realize how much power he'd somehow ceded to Alex: heart, body, soul, truth. He'd give him whatever he asked for and just hope it was enough to make him want Michael, need Michael, as much as Michael needed him.

He murmured something pleased into the kiss, fingers easing and tracing over skin without real intent beyond touching--he wanted to touch Alex everywhere, map his skin with fingertips and tongue. He broke the kiss to nuzzle at Alex's jaw, tongue lightly teasing over skin and forgetting completely who was supposed to be seducing whom.

They never had time. That was maybe Alex's biggest regret. He'd long since thought of the way things should have gone. Instead of running into his father, they'd have gone to the diner, maybe, and had a burger and talked. And they would have both been a bit eager and eventually the topic would have come around to their plans for the summer. And with a truck at Michael's disposal, they didn't have to spend the summer in Roswell. They could just drive away and spend the summer actually getting to know each other.

But his dad had cut that timeline short and it seemed like ever since, they'd only been able to capture stolen moments of time. Like this. A stolen moment before Alex found out what could have possibly kept Michael in Roswell. Maybe it was just as simple as Isobel and Max staying, but then why had they stayed? Why had Max gone into law enforcement instead of doing something with his love of literature? He could be a starving artist. No, there was something and this was another moment that would be cut all too short like all their moments since his father had interrupted them in the shed.

A thrill of anticipation and fear washed through him when Michael's lips drifted away from his lips. He told himself he was too old for a hickey, but a part of him was wondering if Michael would. A part of him wanted it. But another part was afraid of the questions that would raise. Being gay wasn't the problem. It was trying to explain his and Michael's complicated past.

Still, he tilted his head back and slid his fingers underneath Michael's shirt. They flexed against Michael's skin, an unconscious gesture urging him on. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to explain.

Michael hated how they were always pulled apart, though too often, from his view, that was because Alex couldn't accept who he was, the things he did. Once he knew all of it, Michael was pretty sure he'd walk away again. Knowing that, he shouldn't pursue this, shouldn't be pressing closer, shouldn't be nibbling his way down Alex's neck, teasing at the spot over his pulse at Alex's urging.

He was careful, though, even so, tongue teasing, tasting him, but avoiding doing more. Alex had been so sharply against even Isobel knowing. If he couldn't pull himself away from Alex, he could at least let him walk away unscathed.

The sure knowledge that Alex would leave again, though, lent itself to a flare of desperation, to have something, anything, to hold on to when it happened. He reached for the edge of Alex's shirt, pushing it upward, though he lifted his head to look at him, uncertainty flickering in his eyes, mingling with naked need.

Follow Through (for thenewnormal)

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