Follow Through (for thenewnormal)

[neverlooksaway]

[Continued from TFLN]

Michael wasn't sure what he was doing, driving out to the Valenti cabin because Alex asked him to. It didn't make sense, but, then, nothing had since he'd gotten the misfired text. He thumbed back through the texts to look at them again. hot guy...huge crush... He found himself going back to the "huge crush," piece in his head while he drove. Then? Now? Still? Why was Alex planning to seduce him? What had he learned? Was Michael just setting himself up for more heartbreak?

Probably. Alex did this, though, pulled him right back in, made him believe, and then walked away. So, why, again was he backtracking when he missed the turn, taking the right one, rather than heading back to Roswell?

Because he was stupid for Alex Manes, and probably a little bit masochistic.

It took longer than it should have, with the backtracking, but he finally saw the lights of the cabin and turned off into the drive, pulling up to the cabin and cutting the engine off. He could still turn around, go back, but he knew he wouldn't. He was too curious about what Alex wanted here of all places, too keen to know what it was he was talking about, and too desperate to see just how and why he was planning to seduce him.

Still, he kept thinking about turning around even as he found himself at the door, knocking lightly.

Comments

[thenewnormal]

There’d been some indefinable shift in the mood. Alex could feel it even if he didn’t understand what had caused it. Except he didn’t have to have it explained, did he? They’d been arguing with each other and left things half-said between them and now… And now…

They were rushing things. He understood Michael a little better, but there were still years between them of unresolved junk, not to mention what he had in his gun safe and what his father had done to them both. And he should have asked what was wrong, he knew he should, but instead he just kissed Michael’s shoulder.

“I’m right here,” he murmured. And he wanted this, as much as his heart was tired. As much as the rest of him was just plain confused. It was a funny thing. No matter how often he told himself that what was between them didn’t matter, his heart kicked him in his chest and changed his mind.

He was too nervous to actually ask why he suddenly felt that the air around them was thicker, but he could kiss Michael again and try to reassure him. Of what, though, that he wasn’t sure of.

[neverlooksaway]

Michael wasn't sure if he was reassured, if he could be reassured, but he didn't want to think about it right now. This would be different this time or it wouldn't be, and maybe he was an idiot for throwing himself right back into the deep end with Alex again, but he couldn't help it.

He needed this, needed Alex. Maybe that would mean they'd crash and burn again, and maybe one of these times he wouldn't be able to get back up again, but that wasn't right now. Right now, Alex was kissing him; right now, Alex was holding him close; right now, Alex wanted him, and Michael gave himself over to that feeling.

He wound his fingers through Alex's hair and kissed him back like nothing else in the world mattered, because right now, it didn't. Not even his own need for that something more, to know Alex wanted him the way Michael wanted Alex, not just now, not just in the moment, but even when they were apart. Alex was so damn good at walking away like it didn't matter, but he came back, didn't he?

He wouldn't keep doing that if he didn't think about Michael, want Michael when they weren't together, would he?

Too many thoughts, too much swirling in his head, nevermind all the memories resurrected - he just wanted to lose himself in Alex, and he set himself to doing just that, if still a little more waiting to follow Alex's lead than taking it himself.

[thenewnormal]

This was his fault somehow. Maybe it was the fact that this whole thing had started with a lie. A text sent to the wrong number and then a small fib so he could get Michael out here. And then things happened like they always happened: Michael showed up and he felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. Like the air was too thick for him to breathe.

But it was more than that. He knew more about Michael than he’d known before. And really, that hadn’t changed any of his feelings. Not the elation, not the terror. Nothing except for this feeling that he’d somehow messed things up and even that was a familiar feeling.

His kiss was a desperate, silent plea. What can I do? What could he do to fix what seemed to be broken between them? What he’d broken today or a month ago or ten years ago. Maybe it was all just a single line of broken hearts and broken promises. He just didn’t know how he could fix it. He didn’t know what Michael wanted from him and even here, where he and Michael could usually read each other in all the ways they couldn’t when they were just talking,

But now Michael was like some book written in a foreign language he couldn’t understand and he was trying to fumble his way through the pages. Was Michael waiting on him to do something? What?

[neverlooksaway]

Something in the desperation of the kiss connected in Michael's head, and part of him wanted to cry at the jagged edges of emotion that had been fucking with him all night. He knew he wasn't playing his part right, but he didn't know how to explain it, and if he had to explain it, did it even count? Not that he expected Alex to read his mind--Michael just didn't know what the words were, either, and he felt like an idiot to have been so sucked in by the text. And what bearing did that have now, anyway?

"I really thought you meant the text..." Alex had been right--they were here, naked, and every shift of Alex's body, every press of him closer told Michael that Alex wanted him. Hell, Alex had said he loved him, even if he hadn't meant to say it. So what he'd thought when he got the texts shouldn't matter, at all, anymore.

Maybe it was that Michael always felt like he was chasing after Alex. A few text messages, and he came running at the mere possibility of being with Alex. He was always running toward Alex, and, too often, Alex ran away. But he didn't want to talk more tonight. They'd talked and he'd told Alex more than he'd ever told anyone about himself, and he didn't want to have to do more of that. Didn't want to have to explain, again, how much the text had pulled him in, because it was stupid, childish, to want something he couldn't even put into words.

But he knew he'd somehow fucked it up when he hadn't just launched into appropriately descriptive suggestions of what he wanted Alex to do to him. That he didn't have words for some indefinable feeling seemed more of a condmenation of his wanting than a failure of language. But he could feel enough of Alex's confusion to almost panic that he was really ruining this, that Alex would stop kissing him, pull away, walk away all over again, and Michael's fingers clutched at him more tightly, reflexively, as he fumbled for some words, however clumsy and imprecise, and hoped Alex would understand something of what he meant underneath them.

"Show me how much you want me." It wasn't an order, more like a quiet plea against Alex's lips. "Make me feel it..." Do the things you think about doing when I'm not here; make me believe you think about me, want me, when we're apart... But saying all of that was too much, would come out with tears, possibly, so he tried to say it as much in his desperate kiss back and hoped the words he did come up with would do, at least to ease the mood and the tightness in his throat somewhat.

[thenewnormal]

Being away from Michael had been easy. He'd just shut off the part of himself that had wanted love and romance so that even the few times he'd tried for a relationship, all it had ended up being was some kind of friends with benefits relationship that left his partner unsatisified and himself feeling like he'd cheated.

He'd tried to forget Michael. He'd wanted to forget Michael because while they said that you never forgot your first love, being hung up over him year after year was kind of crazy. So ten years had blurred together and, by the time that he made it home, he'd expected Michael to have moved on by now. Or at least moved away.

But there he'd been on one of Alex's first days back into town, stepping into his space as if he belonged there and making Alex feel as if he was eighteen again. His heart hurt and maybe that was because it felt whole again, even if the only reason he touched Michael was to push him away. Even if his own desire to keep Michael at a distance faded away with a little bit of reminding of where they'd started, even if neither of them was the person they'd been.

It was crazy - they were crazy - and if he didn't know Michael was feeling the same thing, he might have suspected some alien witchery. But Michael was as drawn to him as it was the other way around and now he was trying to get a sense of the depth of Alex's feelings and Alex was floundering.

"It's too big," he said, eyes wide. "You're...You..." How to explain the unexplainable? Even though he knew what Michael was saying. Make me feel it, he'd said and Alex knew what that meant, but even the best he could do would fall short of how much he wanted Michael.

"I don't just want you," he said after a few moments trying to come up with the words. "I need you."

Because yes, he ran, mostly from his own cowardice. He'd been afraid that he'd never be able to stand up for himself and so he ran off to the military. He was afraid of what people - no, his father - would think of his relationship with Michael, and so he ran from Michael not once, but twice in the same day. He was afraid of what he'd found out about aliens and what it would mean and so he ran from Michael a third time.

But when he could see Michael, when he could touch him, his fear never managed to win for long.

"You're it for me," he whispered and then kissed Michael fast and hard.

[neverlooksaway]

Michael hadn't expected actual words. Whenever he got them from Alex, real ones, not ones denying this and them, they seemed to come with difficulty. So did these, which was why he'd said "show," not "tell." He'd been giving Alex a way out, trying to ask for what he wanted and needed without demanding too much. But Alex had gone the harder route, to the words, even though he looked a bit like a deer in headlights for a few moments.

If he'd been expecting words, those probably wouldn't have been it, even after the I love you. As far as he knew, no one had ever needed him, except maybe Isobel, and that was different.

He'd certainly never actually expected to be Alex's person.

Before he can formulate a response, Alex is kissing him, and Michael can't do anything except kiss him back, wrapping his arms around him more securely and pressing tight against him. He still wasn't sure how to process the whole night, but he didn't want to keep trying. He just wanted to feel Alex, to bask in being loved, and wanted, and needed.

He shifted, rolling onto his back and tugging Alex on top of him, wanting the weight of him pressing him down into the bed. "I need you," he echoed, with a nip at Alex's lower lip.

[thenewnormal]

There was more that Alex wanted to say, more that he needed to say, but he didn't have the words. Couldn't formulate them with his head spinning in a million different directions. So he focused on the one thing he could say.

"Condom." Because they would be easier for Michael to grab than Alex. And because they'd been using onr, either because it was the right thing to do or a subtle reminder that this, them, was still up in the air, still impermanent. And maybe, if he'd been thinking about it like that, he wouldn't have said anything.

But Michael needed him and Alex didn't have anything more to say. He shifted a little so that Michael could move.

[neverlooksaway]

Michael didn't interpret the need for a condom as impermanent; it was too much a force of habit to grab one, and he did so now. He ripped the package open, fumbling a little bit in his eagerness. He maanged it, though, and kissed Alex, wriggling back into place.

His hand wrapped around Alex's cock, stroking a couple of times before easing the condom down onto it.

"Condom," he murmured, kissing him again.

[thenewnormal]

Alex made a bit of a strangled noise and thrust against Michael's hand. He realized something and he couldn't help but press his face against Michael's shoulder, a bit of a grin appearing by the time he lifted his head again.

"I'm almost hesitant to ask what you'll do when I tell you that I forgot to ask you to grab the lube."

Except hesitant was probably the absolute opposite of what he was at the idea. Curious. Eager. Desperate for what Michael might do to prepare himself or prepare Alex.

[neverlooksaway]

Michael's hand tightened around Alex's cock when he thrust into it, and shuddered at the hot, hard feel of him even through the latex of the condom even.

The realization about the lube, though, made him groan, because he wanted Alex so badly he couldn't see straight. But preparation without lube would take even longer than getting the lube, so pragmatism had him huffing out a sigh, and pulling his hand away from Alex again to wriggle away and hunt for it. The twist away, at least, had the benefit of presenting Alex with a nice view of his ass.

"I should've thought of that..."

[thenewnormal]

Alex couldn't help himself. The view was so nice and they actually had enough room for once that he found himself following Michael's movements, even though his reasoning had been because it would be easier for Michael to grab everything, and bent down and bit Michael sharply on the ass.

This, the weight of what was between them, was almost too much and so he wanted to do something that would relieve a little of the tension that had built up between them tonight.

He wanted to get a little fun back into the night. Maybe then his heart would stop hurting.

[neverlooksaway]

At the bite, Michael gave a startled sound that was something between a yelp, groan and a laugh. A smile lit up his eyes as he looked back over his shoulder at Alex. "That how it's gonna be?"

He snagged the lube, then shifted a little back toward Alex. "Am I staying here...?"

Because he certainly wasn't adverse to something more playful, and very willing to go where Alex wanted him--everything had been too intense, and letting go of that was very appealing.

[thenewnormal]

Alex swatted Michael's ass. Not hard, not even enough to sting a little. Just enough to get his attention. Just enough that he could excuse the fact that he was now groping Michael's ass. As if he needed an excuse. "If you want me to keep biting it. It is very biteable."

He followed that statement up by sliding his hand up to Michael's waist and pressing up against him until he could nip at Michael's shoulder blade.

He snagged the lube from Michael and then nuzzled against his neck. There was so much between them that sometimes it literally hurt to be apart from him. To know that Michael was free to do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted to do it with.

He nipped at Michael's neck and then bit down harder.

[neverlooksaway]

The swat made him laugh a little, though Alex's groping got something more like a twitch in his cock, a reminder of the need under the playfulness. Before he could respond about the biting, Alex was moved up behind him, pressing close, and Michael's breath stuttered in his chest.

This was where he wanted to be, always, next to Alex, pressed so close it wasn't clear where one of them ended and the other began. That was the only time this whole planet made sense to him, the only time it felt like somewhere he wasn't stranded, but somewhere he could call home.

He didn't know how to say all that, though, and then Alex's teeth pressed against his skin, and he didn't want to say anything else. Instead, he moaned, hips pressing back against Alex's urgently, not caring whether he was ready or not, but just wanting more connection to Alex.

[thenewnormal]

It didn't take long for Alex to slick his fingers and slide the first into Michael. It wasn't like it had been that long since the last time they'd been together, but he didn't want this to be rushed. He didn't want this to feel like this was just sex.

Maybe a part of it was remembering Michael's comment about how he'd stayed. He didn't want to feel like that the next morning. He didn't want Michael to think that he had to leave.

Or maybe he didn't want to find out for sure that Michael was braver than he was.

He leaned in to kiss Michael's shoulder when he slid his second finger in.

[neverlooksaway]

Michael groaned as Alex slid first one, then the second, finger into him. He pushed back against the intrusion, easing their way deeper in him. He shivered at the sensation, having to remind himself to breathe as his eyes fell closed.

It still wasn't enough--he wanted all of Alex, everything that the other would give him, everything that he could take. He'd meant what he said, and he wanted to feel it not just now, but later, tas if somehow that would make the moment more real, would ensure that it lasted.

"More...please..."