neverlooksaway | Follow Through (for thenewnormal)

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Follow Through (for thenewnormal)

[Continued from TFLN]

Michael wasn't sure what he was doing, driving out to the Valenti cabin because Alex asked him to. It didn't make sense, but, then, nothing had since he'd gotten the misfired text. He thumbed back through the texts to look at them again. hot guy...huge crush... He found himself going back to the "huge crush," piece in his head while he drove. Then? Now? Still? Why was Alex planning to seduce him? What had he learned? Was Michael just setting himself up for more heartbreak?

Probably. Alex did this, though, pulled him right back in, made him believe, and then walked away. So, why, again was he backtracking when he missed the turn, taking the right one, rather than heading back to Roswell?

Because he was stupid for Alex Manes, and probably a little bit masochistic.

It took longer than it should have, with the backtracking, but he finally saw the lights of the cabin and turned off into the drive, pulling up to the cabin and cutting the engine off. He could still turn around, go back, but he knew he wouldn't. He was too curious about what Alex wanted here of all places, too keen to know what it was he was talking about, and too desperate to see just how and why he was planning to seduce him.

Still, he kept thinking about turning around even as he found himself at the door, knocking lightly.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Michael took the permission, stripping Alex's shirt off and tossing it beisde the bed, then tugging his off and sending it after Alex's. He settled back down, tracing his fingertips slowly over Alex's skin--the line of his collarbone, the hollow at the front of his shoulder, over the swell of his deltoid and down his arm, then back up.

It was a simple movement, but he enjoyed the feel of Alex's skin under his fingertips, the sleek tautness of muscle, the soft, suppleness of the skin itself, the way goosebumps sometimes broke out on it when he did something just right. Details were one way Michael focused, when emotions welled up too high, and studying Alex was something he loved. It kept him from having to think too much.

Ducking his head, he let his lips follow his fingertips, brushing over Alex's collarbone, a flick of his tongue into the dips and hollows, trying to figure out how to say all the words he never knew how to, or at least not without making it worse.

There was such gentleness there that it almost broke Alex's heart. There were parts of him that hadn't waited for Michael. Parts of him that had had sex with other men in the years away. He'd even tried relationships that always seemed to fizzle out within months. Because there was a part of his heart that he'd reserved for Michael and it always seemed wrong to try to be with someone else.

He ran both hands through Michael's hair, not really guiding him anywhere in particular. He wanted the sex, sure, but what he needed was this intimacy. These moments that always seemed to make the other ones, the arguments and hurt feelings, easier to bear. And he knew there were going to be more arguments and hurt feelings. They never seemed to figure out how to stop them, not completely.

One of his hands broke its hold in Michael's hair and slipped down, stroking along his face, his cheeks, his lips. He felt a heavy weight on his chest, like he was drowning, but if that was the case, he didn't want to come up for air.

Michael hummed in appreciation of the small touches, and nibbled his way down to tease his tongue around one of Alex's nipples. Kissing across his chest, he paid the same attention to the other. Maybe it was ridiculous to want this so badly, this thing that was and wasn't at all about sex.

It was different than with other people, even when they were being far more with the tearing of clothes off. Michael had always enjoyed sex, but his slight taunt the first day he ran into Alex about lots of casual sex? That had pretty much been his life before and after Alex. He didn't let people get close and he didn't want to, often, but everyone needed someone, and his heart and soul were both soaking this up.

There were still things he hadn't told Alex, things that might change things all over again, but having even some of the secrets out, being able to tell Alex who he was? That made him just want to be even closer to Alex, to be with him as openly as he could be, in a way he'd never been able to be with anyone else.

His tongue teased and tasted, and his fingers slid lower, then back up, nothing going below Alex's waist--apparently he was in no rush at all.

Alex and Michael had made up for lost time for those few weeks when life felt it was on hold before his father implanted doubts in him. So he knew what it was like to have Michael's mouth everywhere on his body, knew what it was like to be so full of Michael that he wanted to cry out and still needed more. But in all their adventures, nothing felt quite as erotic as this and Michael hadn't even gone below the belt yet.

He could have encouraged Michael to keep moving his lips down, could have rubbed up against him until they were both beyond thinking, could have flipped him over and showed him just how hot and bothered he was getting.

Instead, he pushed Michael up just enough that he could grab for the bottom of his shirt and pull it up and off of him. He hooked his leg around Michael's hip and twisted them, gasping a little at the friction as he settled back into position.

He studied Michael for a minute, taking in all the ways he looked happy at the moment, and then pressed his lips to Michael's jaw, drawing them across the skin until the stubble made his lips tingle.

Michael let Alex tug his shirt off, didn't fight the roll or the way Alex settled back against him. That moment of friction made him bite back a grown. He wanted this touching, wanted this slow, easy connection, wanted the slow build, even when his body was already aching.

He slid his fingers up under Alex's shirt, pushing it up and off to join his own, then tilted his head for Alex's mouth, eyes falling closed. His fingers slid back up Alex's back to tangle in his hair, keep his mouth there against his skin.

His hips rolled of their own accord, rocking into him, but slowly, more restless than deliberately falling into a rhythm. This was what he wanted, always. If they could stay like this, then nothing else would matter. None of it--none of the drama, none of the secrets, none of the worry for his family, for Alex. He dug his fingers into Alex's shoulders, holding on to him like he'd never let him go.

"That feels good..." It was just a murmur, and it was about more than what Alex's mouth was doing. It was all of it.

Alex's mouth slipped down along Michael's neck. He hesitated when he got to the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. He'd been urging Michael along when he'd had his mouth in the same position on Alex's body and he hadn't done anything. So now when he sucked on Michael's neck, it was a bit tentative. If Michael didn't want to leave marks, he probably didn't want to receive them, either.

He bit down gently and then let go. It wasn't enough, especially not with the way Michael was moving against him, but it would do for the moment. He'd just have to get creative and find other places he could mark Michael.

"You feel good," he retorted. He leaned up and nipped Michael's chin before going back to his slow exploration.

This felt like some kind of dream. A happy dream where a moment seemed to last forever.

The almost-bites weren't nearly enough, but they teased in the best way. He murmured wordlessly, writhing a bit underneath Alex. His fingers slid into Alex's hair, twisting and tightening, trying to urge him toward more.

Need simmered under each touch, but he didn't want to rush things, either. He slid one hand down Alex's back, then back up his spine, then down again to tease along his waistband.

"So do you," he managed. "I..." He didn't know what he wanted to say. I want you. I love you. I need you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I never want to let you go.

Alex's mouth hit a particularly pleasant spot, getting him a low groan out of Michael.

The combination of Michael's hand in his hair and that groan caused Alex to pause. He was sucking sucking gently at Michael's nipple and planning on going lower, but there was something familiar in the way Michael had grabbed him. Like the way he'd grabbed Michael before they'd flipped positions.

He surged back up, kissing Michael hungrily and then went to his neck, giving it the attention it deserved.

He kissed it and bit it a little more and then he started sucking. He'd wanted one and he'd thought about giving Michael one and now he really was going to give him a hickey, one big enough to show.

Michael's moan this time was louder, as Alex's mouth hit all the right spots on his neck. He didn't care about it showing - just thought Alex would, but he supposed he'd been wrong. He twisted his fingers a little bit more in Alex's hair, releasing then tightening again.

His hips rolled in a much more purposeful way, if still unconscious, searching for friction. The slip of his fingers under the waistband of Alex's boxers was more deliberate. He wanted more of him, more of his mouth, of his skin, of his weight on him, pressing him into the bed.

"Alex..."

"I did say I was going to seduce you," he murmured against Michael's skin. Except he hadn't because he'd been planning on drinking so they could talk. Except that now he wanted to seduce Michael. Especially with the way that Michael's hand on his ass kept encouraging him to move.

He eventually returned his mouth back to Michael's when he felt Michael was sufficiently marked and when the restless move of their hips got to be too much and he needed to taste Michael again.

But the restless movements weren't enough and he pulled back after another minute so he could start to slide his boxers off. Skin on skin was what he needed.

Michael definitely felt seduced, very seduced, properly seduced. His neck throbbed in the very best way, and he shivered at the knowledge that that mark would be there for anyone to see--he was pretty sure he didn't have a shirt collar that would hide it. Not that he wanted to hide it.

He all but devoured Alex's mouth when he kissed him again, lips and tongue hungry and needy as they played with Alex's. When Alex pulled back, he all but whimpered, until he realized why, and, yes. Okay. Boxers off was a great reason to separate just enough to make that happen. He still hated to take his hands off of Alex even for that moment, like if he did, Alex might change his mind, but he did, wriggling a bit to get them off...and brush up against Alex as he did.

Alex could have rolled back on top of Michael when the underwear was off, but he felt like he was missing something. His fingers sought out and found the spot where he'd given Michael the hickey and they brushed the skin almost absently. Then he shook his head as if shaking off some kind of spell and grabbed Michael's hip, pulling him so he was on top.

"I think you need to finish what you started," he said and kissed Michael, grabbing Michael's hair tightly so that he wouldn't pull back once those lips got back down to his neck.

There were things about Michael he didn't approve of. Well, thing, really. Stealing. Because Michael was better than that. Could be better. But he'd let his father, both at the drive-in and through his research, put doubts in him about Michael and he didn't want that. Because there was a part of him that would always come back.

Michael made a sound of protest when Alex shifted their positions again, mostly because Alex's weight atop him was a delightful feeling he did not want to lose. But, then, Alex underneath him was a delightful thing, too. The brush of Alex's finger over the mark he'd left made him shiver.

He took the hint, though, kissing Alex back with a groan, and then kissed down the line of Alex's neck to the spot he'd been teasing at earlier. He wasn't thinking about anything now other than the slide of their bodies together, and it made him moan softly against Alex's skin.

The twist of fingers in his hair makes him writhe a bit more again, and then he bit down a little, sucking at the skin there with need of his own, while his hips rolled down against Alex's in slow, deliberate movements.

Alex's entire body shuddered when Michael finally bit down and a soft whine came from the back of his throat. It might have been interpreted as a sound of protest but for the way he hooked a leg around Michael to keep him exactly where he was.

God, I love you. The words ran through his mind and he thought the self-doubt and sheer terror he felt about those words had kept it just in his head until he realized that his mouth was open. He let go of Michael's hair and instead, his fingers clung to Michael's back as if that could somehow protect him from the words.

Yes, he'd admitted that he'd loved Michael. In the past tense. As kids. It was another thing to admit that he still felt that way. That he'd never stopped feeling that way. And maybe the feelings had changed, but if anything, they'd only grown more mature, more complicated.

The words sail through Michael with the force of a shot arrow. At first, he sort of thought they were just in his own head, his own thoughts, but, no. That was Alex's voice, and it was aloud, and Alex was clinging to him now in a way that said, yes, he'd just heard that.

Michael stilled--not freezing in shock so much as putting a pause on distracting activity--and brushed another kiss over Alex's pulse before lifting his head to look at him.

After how this night had started, it was the last thing he expected to hear, but he most certainly wasn't complaining about that. Instead, he smiled slowly, then ducked his head to kiss Alex properly, slowly and thoroughly, before pulling back with another smile.

"I love you, too..."

The words should have lent him some measure of comfort. Instead, they felt like something he had to live up to. He’d made plenty of mistakes in the past and he was really afraid that he was going to make more of them in the future. Michael deserved more from him than that. But that was a worry for another day. He did love Michael and so here and now, his words were the whole truth. He’d leave his doubts and issues for another day.

He kissed Michael eagerly after that, one hand twisting in his hair while he used the other to grab his hip in a bruising grip, helping to encourage the friction that they’d had going before his words had stopped things in their tracks.

Better to think about his feelings and what they meant later, when he couldn’t accidentally hurt Michael because of his musings.

Michael was happy enough to let talking go--there'd been so much talking, and there'd have to be more in the morning, and about things he didn't want to talk about, but things Alex should know. If he was less selfish, he'd tell him tonight, but Michael wasn't going to ruin his one chance to have this again.

The tight grip of Alex's fingers had him making another pleased sound that just increased with the rocking of their hips together. Shifting a little, ha managed to free up a hand to slide down between them and tease along Alex's stomach, his hip, not quite going inward and stroking where he really wanted to, but teasing the possibility of it, headed for that place where he didn't have to keep thinking so damn much.

Anticipation curled in his stomach as Michael's hand teased along Alex's body. And teasing was the right word. After the second or third time Michael deliberately didn't go where they both wanted his hand, Alex groaned. He'd been comfortable taking things slow when this first started, but the terror and excitement of admitting his feelings had him keyed up.

"You are an ass, Guerin," Alex said and moved the hand on Michael's hip to his ass instead, punctuating the comment with a hard squeeze.

Not that he was actually complaining. He'd take everything he could get at this point.

Michael lifted his head and gave Alex a bit of a smirk, even as he rolled his hips downward to slide their cocks against each other. "Well, considering you were supposed to be seducing me," he said with an arch of an eyebrow. "And, yet, somehow I'm the one moving too slowly, now, or something?"

He tsked, nipping at Alex's lower lip. "If you want something...seduce me into it."

There was no way he was looking to be--or could be--remotely un-seduceable, after all, but he was pretty sure he'd never actually been seduced, and, really, it had sounded like fun.

Alex's eyebrows lifted. "And here, I thought you were already seduced," he murmured. "That's how we got naked in the first place." If Michael was going to tease, then so was Alex. He ran his fingers so that they were just barely touching Michael's cock, teasing him the way he'd been teasing Alex.

"But if you're not satisfied..." He pulled his hand away and smirked right back.

"Or maybe what you're really looking for is something more specific." He grabbed Michael's ass and squeezed it roughly. "Because if that's the case, I'm not a mind reader. So you'll have to tell me what you're looking for in more detail."

In short: use your words, Guerin.

“Pretty sure seduction is supposed to continue after we’re naked,” Michael countered, even as he bit back a moan at the tease of Alex’s fingers. He pressed closer in response to the clutch at his ass, and wondered how he was supposed to come up with words with Alex pressed close to him, naked, both of them hard and wanting so much more.

He wanted everything, every sensation, every touch. He wanted Alex in every way he could have him, and wanted Alex to have him every way he could. But he also needed to know Alex really wanted him just as badly. Even if this was going up in flames once Alex came to his senses again, or decided to run again, Michael wanted those damn messages to have been real, that Alex actually planned some way to get him in bed, that they weren’t just doing what they always did.

Even if he knew they were. Alex had already said he hadn’t planned on really seducing him, and as much s Michael was joking about it, he was kinda disappointed about that, which was ridiculous, but...there it was. The need to know he wasn’t just someone Alex loved, despite thinking he shouldn’t, someone worth planning to have, even if for just the night.

He was too turned on to let the shadow push its way too far in before he shoved it back down. No point in wishing for what he couldn’t have, when he had something so close right before him.

But the creative, playful descriptions of what he wanted Alex to do to him wouldn’t come; he was too far in tonight.

“I just want you.”

There’d been some indefinable shift in the mood. Alex could feel it even if he didn’t understand what had caused it. Except he didn’t have to have it explained, did he? They’d been arguing with each other and left things half-said between them and now… And now…

They were rushing things. He understood Michael a little better, but there were still years between them of unresolved junk, not to mention what he had in his gun safe and what his father had done to them both. And he should have asked what was wrong, he knew he should, but instead he just kissed Michael’s shoulder.

“I’m right here,” he murmured. And he wanted this, as much as his heart was tired. As much as the rest of him was just plain confused. It was a funny thing. No matter how often he told himself that what was between them didn’t matter, his heart kicked him in his chest and changed his mind.

He was too nervous to actually ask why he suddenly felt that the air around them was thicker, but he could kiss Michael again and try to reassure him. Of what, though, that he wasn’t sure of.

Michael wasn't sure if he was reassured, if he could be reassured, but he didn't want to think about it right now. This would be different this time or it wouldn't be, and maybe he was an idiot for throwing himself right back into the deep end with Alex again, but he couldn't help it.

He needed this, needed Alex. Maybe that would mean they'd crash and burn again, and maybe one of these times he wouldn't be able to get back up again, but that wasn't right now. Right now, Alex was kissing him; right now, Alex was holding him close; right now, Alex wanted him, and Michael gave himself over to that feeling.

He wound his fingers through Alex's hair and kissed him back like nothing else in the world mattered, because right now, it didn't. Not even his own need for that something more, to know Alex wanted him the way Michael wanted Alex, not just now, not just in the moment, but even when they were apart. Alex was so damn good at walking away like it didn't matter, but he came back, didn't he?

He wouldn't keep doing that if he didn't think about Michael, want Michael when they weren't together, would he?

Too many thoughts, too much swirling in his head, nevermind all the memories resurrected - he just wanted to lose himself in Alex, and he set himself to doing just that, if still a little more waiting to follow Alex's lead than taking it himself.

This was his fault somehow. Maybe it was the fact that this whole thing had started with a lie. A text sent to the wrong number and then a small fib so he could get Michael out here. And then things happened like they always happened: Michael showed up and he felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. Like the air was too thick for him to breathe.

But it was more than that. He knew more about Michael than he’d known before. And really, that hadn’t changed any of his feelings. Not the elation, not the terror. Nothing except for this feeling that he’d somehow messed things up and even that was a familiar feeling.

His kiss was a desperate, silent plea. What can I do? What could he do to fix what seemed to be broken between them? What he’d broken today or a month ago or ten years ago. Maybe it was all just a single line of broken hearts and broken promises. He just didn’t know how he could fix it. He didn’t know what Michael wanted from him and even here, where he and Michael could usually read each other in all the ways they couldn’t when they were just talking,

But now Michael was like some book written in a foreign language he couldn’t understand and he was trying to fumble his way through the pages. Was Michael waiting on him to do something? What?

Something in the desperation of the kiss connected in Michael's head, and part of him wanted to cry at the jagged edges of emotion that had been fucking with him all night. He knew he wasn't playing his part right, but he didn't know how to explain it, and if he had to explain it, did it even count? Not that he expected Alex to read his mind--Michael just didn't know what the words were, either, and he felt like an idiot to have been so sucked in by the text. And what bearing did that have now, anyway?

"I really thought you meant the text..." Alex had been right--they were here, naked, and every shift of Alex's body, every press of him closer told Michael that Alex wanted him. Hell, Alex had said he loved him, even if he hadn't meant to say it. So what he'd thought when he got the texts shouldn't matter, at all, anymore.

Maybe it was that Michael always felt like he was chasing after Alex. A few text messages, and he came running at the mere possibility of being with Alex. He was always running toward Alex, and, too often, Alex ran away. But he didn't want to talk more tonight. They'd talked and he'd told Alex more than he'd ever told anyone about himself, and he didn't want to have to do more of that. Didn't want to have to explain, again, how much the text had pulled him in, because it was stupid, childish, to want something he couldn't even put into words.

But he knew he'd somehow fucked it up when he hadn't just launched into appropriately descriptive suggestions of what he wanted Alex to do to him. That he didn't have words for some indefinable feeling seemed more of a condmenation of his wanting than a failure of language. But he could feel enough of Alex's confusion to almost panic that he was really ruining this, that Alex would stop kissing him, pull away, walk away all over again, and Michael's fingers clutched at him more tightly, reflexively, as he fumbled for some words, however clumsy and imprecise, and hoped Alex would understand something of what he meant underneath them.

"Show me how much you want me." It wasn't an order, more like a quiet plea against Alex's lips. "Make me feel it..." Do the things you think about doing when I'm not here; make me believe you think about me, want me, when we're apart... But saying all of that was too much, would come out with tears, possibly, so he tried to say it as much in his desperate kiss back and hoped the words he did come up with would do, at least to ease the mood and the tightness in his throat somewhat.

Follow Through (for thenewnormal)

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