Continuation from TFLN - (for thenewnormal)

[neverlooksaway]

He doesn't reply because he's spotted Alex, and, yes, he's eager for whatever they end up doing, but he really is a tiny bit concerned Alex thinks he doesn't want people to know, like he's ashamed of it or something. He's a bit confused, still, because it's so new and nothing he had any inkling of he started noticing Alex, but he's not ashamed of it.

It's just...theirs. And in the Summer of Awful, he needs something good.

Still, his smile is bright with relief that Alex isn't really upset with him, as he pulls up next to him, and reaches across to open the passenger door.

"Wanna go for a ride?"

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[neverlooksaway]

Alex curling into him like that, not able to look just about broke Michael's heart, and he wrapped his arms tight around him, holding him close. He knew that feeling, but he'd never gotten to indulge it--there'd been no one there to hold him, and he couldn't let Max know how bad it was.

But he could be that person for Alex. So he just held him while he worked up to saying what he didn't want to say.

Michael wasn't sure if he should ignore it or respond, but it twisted up his heart, tearing him in two different directions. He'd promised Isobel he'd stay, but that was before, and, ultimately...if he checked in or whatever, she couldn't miss him, couldn't need him as much as maybe Alex did, could she?

He turned his head and brushed a kiss over Alex's hair. "Then let's go. Just...go and not come back. I got some money saved up from working at the junkyard. We can just...go somewhere he won't find us. San Francisco or New York or something. You can p-play music..." Yeah, he stumbled over that, but kept going. "And I'll fix cars, and we can just...be us."

[thenewnormal]

"Use it," Alex insisted, lifting his head up so he could look Michael in the eye. "Use it to go to a doctor. At least get them to see you and see if they can do anything for your hand. I know how much music means to you and I don't want to be the one responsible for taking it away."

And sure, maybe he wasn't directly responsible, but it'd been his father, his inaction when his father pushed him against the wall, that led to Michael's hand.

"If I could just magic away what he did to you..." But life didn't work like that. And this was another harsh lesson in his life that the bad guys sometimes won.

"And if you don't give yourself a chance to see, then you'll always wonder. Maybe all you really need is a proper cast." And he was fooling himself, he knew. A hammer crushing the delicate bones of a hand required a lot more than just a cast. But. They had to try.

[neverlooksaway]

”If I could just magic away what he did to you...” The words made something inside Michael freeze up and tumble apart at the same time. Because Max could just fix it...but not if Michael stayed. He’d have to go, if his hand worked, at least for a while.

But if Alex went with him...if it was to keep them all safe in a sense...would that be enough for Isobel to be okay? And could he trust Alex with something that big?

The thought was terrifying, making him feel sick to his stomach about how it could go wrong, and he felt the trembling start, so he pressed closer to Alex. Over and over and over in his head it tumbled, and he tried to bite back the words, but Alex blaming himself...he couldn’t take that.

“It’s not your fault. I could’ve stopped him...” He broke off abruptly, because fuck. Not what he meant to say. “I can’t go to the hospital, Alex. I can’t. But...what if it could be...magic-ed away? Would you go with me? ‘Cause I’d have to go, then...”

He kept his face turned into Alex’s hair, knew he sounded crazy, the words broken and disjointed, but his thoughts were rioting, the chaos running rampant, and he didn’t have anything to quiet it.

[thenewnormal]

"If wishes were horses, Guerin," Alex said with a sad shake of his head. "Yes. If we could leave before my father got his hands on us, if we could fix you, then yes. I'd go anywhere you wanted."

And Alex let himself think about it for a minute. The two of them would have some indie band somewhere and Michael could fix cars or...or maybe he could fix computers. Michael could work on the hardware and Alex would work on the software. And they could find somewhere to go to community college and start their life their own way and on their own terms.

It was a thought that was so wonderful and so unreal that it actually hurt.

"But this isn't Wonderland. Wishing doesn't make it so, no matter how much I might want it to." Alex grabbed for that arm and kissed the inside of Michael's wrist. "I've seen the way you look when you play. I'm not going to be the one to stand in the way of you getting that back, even if it's only a chance."

[neverlooksaway]

Michael finally met Alex’s gaze, though his was the one a little terrified now, and he was possibly going to bloody his lip, he was biting it so hard. His eyes filled with tears at Alex’s kiss, to his wrist, even as he shook his head a little.

“The hospital can’t fix it, Alex. The bones...splints and casts and pins...even if I could go, they’d never fix it, really. But...”

He didn’t know how to say it, how to get the words out in any fashion that didn’t end up wrecking all their lives.

“If I told you something....something a lot of people like your dad could use to hurt me...you wouldn’t tell anyone, would you?” It was a stupid question. Anyone would promise not to, without realizing the magnitude of the ask. “Even if it scared you? I mean, it’s not bad, and I would never hurt you, but...it might freak a lot of people out...and get innocent people hurt if you ever said anything...”

[thenewnormal]

"I'd never tell him anything," Alex said, the scorn thick in his voice. If he'd had any hope for fatherly love left in him after years of never measuring up to his brothers, what had happened with Michael had pushed him well into the 'hating his father' side of the line.

"You couldn't scare me," he assured Michael. Which wasn't, strictly speaking, true. What he felt for Michael terrified him. What his father could do to Michael terrified him. But Michael himself? No, Michael couldn't scare him.

He took a breath. He could say he wouldn't tell anyone and lie to Michael. He could say he wasn't sure whether he'd tell anyone and leave Michael terrified that he'd spill whatever this terrible secret was.

Neither of those options was acceptable and so that left the third. He could trust Michael.

"I won't say anything," he said quietly, looking deeply into Michael's eyes so he'd know Alex meant it.

[neverlooksaway]

Believing him was probably a stupid thing to do. Alex had no real idea what he was promising. But Michael did.

He had no idea how to say it, though. Just blurting it out seemed like a bad idea, at least if he wanted Alex to believe him.

He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly before nodding. “Okay. But this is something I gotta show you.”

He leaned in and kissed Alex, then clambered out of the truck bed and moved back to the driver’s side. “It’s not too far, but we should drive.”

Somehow the idea of the pods seemed less scary to start with than his telekinesis.

[thenewnormal]

Okay, that was definitely a little weird. Alex had said there was a secret to tell and now it was a secret to show. But Alex gamely hopped off of the truck and got back into the passenger's seat.

"All right, but if you tell me you're actually a little green man," he joked, "I'm going to have to call bullshit. I've seen all your bits up close, now." Aliens were pretty much the running joke in Roswell. Either you were a local and didn't believe in them, or you were a tourist and the locals took you for all you were worth. There wasn't a lot of in between.

But now he was getting nervous. He'd said yes and he meant it, but clearly whatever it is was really important to Michael. Like, really. The only thing he'd seen Michael this intent about was the time he got to see Michael play.

[neverlooksaway]

Michael coughed on a touch of a laugh at that and hoped it didn’t sound hysterical. “I guess you have,” he said, cheeks turning red. He could feel the tension in the truck, or at least his own, but didn’t know how to change that. He was second guessing himself around in circles, doubting his choice, but wanting to, still.

That made him pretty quiet on the short drive deeper in the desert. When he got close enough, he parked and hopped out.

“I’m gonna need your help...” he said, tilting his head toward the boarded up entrance. “It pulls off easy enough, but it does take two hands.”

[thenewnormal]

The car was eerily quiet. Michael was...Alex wasn't sure what Michael was thinking. Alex was trying to figure out what, out in the middle of the desert, could heal Michael's hand. And then they were parking and Michael was asking for his help to get into some kind of cave.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were bringing me to your love shack." Or serial killer den. And he really didn't know Michael better, but he felt as if he did. And sure, they'd known each other by reputation for years, but they'd never been friends. Or anything else.

He got out and followed Michael over. Was he really going to do this? "On three?"

[neverlooksaway]

The comment about his love shack got a genuine laugh out of Michael that broke his tension a little. “I can’t say that’s ever occurred to me, but I’m open to multipurposing it.”

It wasn’t like it was actually being used for anything more than hiding away pieces of themselves that they didn’t understand.

He nodded, though, reaching for the wood. “On three...” He counted it down, and, really, the wood came away easily; it wasn’t meant as a serious deterrent so much as a “nothing interesting here.” Granted, he could’ve moved it with his power, but...trying to seem normal here.

Aware it would be kinda creepy to follow Alex in, he led the way. Sunlight lit the way for the first bit, but as it faded, they weren’t left in the dark - long before you could see them, the pods’ glow lit the tunnel.

Michael started trying to calm his nerves, glancing back at Alex. “I’m breaking every rule Max has ever laid down, but...I don’t want to keep secrets. I want you to know the real me.”

[thenewnormal]

"Still not a little green man," Alex returned lightly even as he stared at the pods. Three of them. And Michael had said that Max and Isobel were family. He took a step closer and then another and eventually got close enough that all he had to do was reach out and press his hand to the pod. It was firm to the touch although it seemed to shimmer a little.

He turned back to Michael. "So...these can heal your hand?" Better the immediate question than the ramifications. He needed a minute, more than a minute, to come to terms with this. Because he couldn't come up with a better explanation than the obvious one, given what town they were all in.

Except that it was better to know than to just guess. For all he knew, this was some...secret government project that kids had access to. Right.

"What are they?"

[neverlooksaway]

“No.” Michael shook his head. “Max can heal my hand. This is just...why. Or how. Or whatever.”

He was watching Alex carefully, weighing his reaction. He hadn’t run screaming, which Michael figured was a good thing. He figured Alex would need a few, but what did he know? They’d never told anyone before. But his nerves weren’t any better. Wouldn’t be until Alex figured out how he felt, because, until then, he could still run screaming. Or just decide it was okay, in general, but that he didn’t want to be with Michael because of it.

But better to know that now than after they ran away together and Michael slipped up and used his power where Alex could see. Living foreverwithout using it would be impossible.

So, he cleared his throat and answered Alex’s question. “Near as we can tell, they’re some kind of stasis pods. They must be what kept us safe in the crash, though we got no idea who brought them here, who hid us and kept us safe for fifty years. We just know we woke up in them in 1997, and managed to get out, then went looking for...anyone until a trucker found us and took us to the sheriff or whoever..”

Honestly, that was all kind of a blur.

[thenewnormal]

Alex's head was spinning. Fine, they hadn't said the word, but Michael was an alien. From outer space. And somehow the only thing he could come up with was that he'd be able to say that he officially had a thing for older men. Much older. It was a stupid joke and he didn't actually say it, but he didn't think he'd be able to come to terms with this here in this cave.

"Then you go to Max and you tell him to fix your hand," he said decidedly.

He took his hand off the pod and walked over to Michael, cupping his neck. The breath he took was shaky. "I'm not going to say that I'm okay... No, that sounds bad and I don't mean it that way. You, Max, Isobel. I'm okay with you. More than okay. I've known you all for years. Max, the goofy book nerd who's in love with Liz. Isobel, the queen of the school and one of the few popular girls who actually cares."

He shifted his hand and ran his thumb over Michael's jaw. "And then there's you, the boy I never saw coming." He smiled and then nodded back to the pods. "That? That's going to take some time."

And he honestly couldn't say that he wouldn't change his mind when the reality finally hit. But here Michael was, offering him a secret the likes of which Alex had never known, offering to fix the mistake that Alex had made by not standing up to his father, and offering him a way out. That outweighed any panic that might be peeking at him from the edges of his consciousness.

He stepped closer and pressed his other hand to Michael's chest to stop his hand from shaking.

[neverlooksaway]

That was better than Michael had expected, if not quite as good as he’d hoped, but, either way, totally fair. He could feel Alex trembling, and covered his hand with his own.

Hoping to reassure Alex, he summoned up a crooked smile, and leaned into his touch. “If it helps, that, this, us, is who you’ve known all these years. Like you said, you’ve seen all of me, up close. I’m not, like, shape-shifted or anything. At least in most ways, we’re just like you.” Minus the powers and acetone, but Alex hadn’t asked about how Max healed, so Michael held back the powers discussion.

“And this is the only home we’ve ever known, so we’re not trying to take it over or whatever. We’re really just three abandoned or lost kids. Maybe our parents came from somewhere else, but we don’t have any memories of anything before this cave. Far as we know, this is where we were born.”

There were differences, sure, things Michael had always held on to more than Max and Isobel, because in a life of constant rejection, holding on to something else, being something else, made it easier. If he didn’t belong here, then it didn’t matter if no one wanted him here. But with Alex, Michael had wondered if he maybe could finally belong.

[thenewnormal]

Alex snorted when Michael mentioned trying to take the planet over because he had to admit that it sounded silly. He couldn't think of three people less likely to take anything over. Especially Michael. He couldn't think of anyone more against 'the man' than Michael, although maybe that'd be different if 'the man' were the people who'd left him here. Or maybe it wouldn't be, considering the three of them were here alone.

"You don't have to talk yourself up," he murmured. "I trust you, Michael, I do. It's just a kind of big thing to wrap my head around, you know? Not anything specific. Just the general concept."

Aliens were a concept he knew from books and from SETI, not something he'd ever expected to meet in his lifetime. And here was one in his...boyfriend? Was that what Michael was?

He leaned in and pressed his lips to Michael's in a soft kiss. "Now, fix your damn hand so you can serenade me," he whispered against Michael's lips.

[neverlooksaway]

Something loosened in Michael’s chest at Alex’s words, and even more so at the kiss. He rested his forehead against Alex’s, as his lips curved in a smile for a brief moment, before he pulled back a little. Concern flickered in his eyes.

“If I get Max to fix it, you see why I have to leave, right? I mean, if your dad saw me, and my hand was healed...”

And dropping this on Alex and asking him to still run away with him seemed like...a lot.

[thenewnormal]

Alex pressed his lips together as his brain worked through the problem. "Do you want to leave?" That was the first question. If he wanted to leave, any other suggestions Alex might have were moot. They didn't need to worry about his father and they could just go off and be...free. If he even knew what that was.

"If you don't, we can figure something out. Get a cast on your hand until it 'heals' or something. I doubt dad would notice if what he did to you was permanent or not." He'd just been happy to punish Michael for his interference. Or maybe for touching Alex in the first place, it was hard to tell.

Just because Alex's family was crap didn't mean that Michael wanted to permanently leave Max and Isobel. Not something he would have thought of an hour ago, but an hour ago, he hadn't realized that Michael even had family.

[neverlooksaway]

"If it means keeping you from being forced into the Air Force, then, yes." He'd wanted out of here for a while; only Isobel's blackouts had made him change his mind, but if Alex was in danger, too? Michael had to do what he could to keep Alex safe, too.

The cast on his hand was a good idea, if they stayed, but if they stayed, and Alex wound up leaving Michael behind, then it wouldn't really matter. Nothing would.

Maybe that was melodramatic, teenage thinking, but it was how he felt.

He didn't want to leave them forever, granted, but...long enough to make sure Alex was safe. That his father couldn't hurt him anymore. Whether that was them being a little older, having their own money or standing, or learning how to fight back...they'd figure that out.

[thenewnormal]

“What if I went on my own terms?” Alex asked slowly. “Not because it’s what he wants or expects, but for another reason altogether.” He hated the weakness in himself. He hated that he’d felt helpless when his father had gone after Michael. He’d done nothing but stare in horror. Something needed to change and sure, sure he could run away with Michael. A large part of him wanted to. Being with Michael was the most right he’d ever felt.

But. But Michael had been through so much and he shouldn’t always have to be the strong one. But Alex needed to learn to stand up for himself, to stand against his father. But he was afraid that not doing something and letting Michael take him away was the easy way out.

“What if I found a way,” he said, lowering his voice and leaning against Michael, “to keep you safe, all of you, if you ever needed it?”

It wasn’t ideal and yeah, the thought of being overseas terrified him, but if it meant being able to come back stronger for this boy who’d trusted Alex with this terrifying secret, then that’s what he’d do.

[neverlooksaway]

Michael pulled back enough to stare at him, horror flickering through his expression. The mere idea made his stomach twist right back up in knots, just when he was starting to relax again, as much as he could after spilling his big secret.

"No," he said, protesting. "I don't need you to keep me safe. I need you to stay. I can protect myself; I don't..." He swallowed back the panic that was catching in his throat, hating himself for it, because it proved how much Alex meant and Michael had made a point of not letting anyone but Max and Isobel mean that much. But he'd told him his secret, and it wasn't like he hadn't basically said it before. It just felt more after sharing what he had. "I don't want to lose you, too."

He'd lost his whole world, his family, his name, his language, his people, stuck on a world that never felt like it wanted him until this boy smiled at him, was kind to him.

He fumbled a little clumsily to wrap his fingers around Alex's. "Please stay..."

[thenewnormal]

“I was helpless,” Alex said softly. “I just stood there and did nothing. It’s what I’ve done my whole life.” Sure, he stood up to his father, but only until his father pushed back, sometimes literally. “I…you’re too important to me.”

If he’d just stood up to his father, he might never have found out about Michael. But the thought that he might never be able to stand up to him was terrifying. Weak, he heard in the back of his head. The problem was that the voice wasn’t wrong. He was weak. And he didn’t want to rely on Michael to protect him.

“You’re not going to lose me, I promise.” He didn’t tell Michael that he’d thought about it. Just leaving. But that the urge to see Michael, make sure he was okay, that had been stronger.

“Look, I’m not going to go sign up tomorrow, but it’s something to think about. Who better to protect your secret than someone in the area of government who’s supposed to be hiding the existence of aliens.” Because everyone knew that it was the air force. Even if it wasn’t. …he didn’t think, at least.

[neverlooksaway]

"Then we...I don't know. Learn to fight. We leave, and we go somewhere with more people, where they'll have dojos or whatever and we can learn to fight. You don't have to be in the military, or go to war, to learn to fight back."

He clung a little tighter to Alex's hand, even as frustration flared inside. He hadn't told Alex his secret, risked everything in doing that, just for him to go ahead and leave anyway, just like everyone left.

"I don't want you off somewhere protecting my secret. That's not why I told you. I told you because I trust you, and...and I want you to know who I am, and..." He didn't fully have the words, didn't want to pathetically beg Alex not to leave him, but he could feel everything roiling around inside of him, and he hated the feeling. "You said if I could get my hand fixed, you'd go away with me. And now that you know, you want to leave?"

[thenewnormal]

"I need to be better," Alex said desperately, wishing Michael could understand. Except he hadn't just stood there when Alex's father had confronted him. He'd fought back and stood up for both himself and Alex. And Alex needed to be able to return the favor. He needed to be able to protect Michael when it came down to it. Especially now that he knew.

"I need to be better for you. Stronger for you."

"I'm...I'm..." He was such a coward that he couldn't even say the word and sometimes he wondered if his father didn't have a point about how pathetic he was. He could stand up to his bully, but only because he'd known that bully before he was such an asshole.

He didn't stand a chance against his father.

"You can't fight all my battles, Michael. I don't want you to."

[neverlooksaway]

"I don't want to fight your battles for you, Alex." Michael's eyes were brimming with tears he didn't want to let fall, and he was repeating himself, but he didn't know what else to say. "People learn to fight every day without going to war."

He tried to think of something else to say that wasn't totally pathetic, but he couldn't, and the tears that had been blurring his vision fell. His throat was so tight he didn't think he'd get any words out, but eventually, they came.

"Please don't leave me."