neverlooksaway | Continuation from TFLN

“No.” Michael shook his head. “Max can heal my hand. This is just...why. Or how. Or whatever.”

He was watching Alex carefully, weighing his reaction. He hadn’t run screaming, which Michael figured was a good thing. He figured Alex would need a few, but what did he know? They’d never told anyone before. But his nerves weren’t any better. Wouldn’t be until Alex figured out how he felt, because, until then, he could still run screaming. Or just decide it was okay, in general, but that he didn’t want to be with Michael because of it.

But better to know that now than after they ran away together and Michael slipped up and used his power where Alex could see. Living foreverwithout using it would be impossible.

So, he cleared his throat and answered Alex’s question. “Near as we can tell, they’re some kind of stasis pods. They must be what kept us safe in the crash, though we got no idea who brought them here, who hid us and kept us safe for fifty years. We just know we woke up in them in 1997, and managed to get out, then went looking for...anyone until a trucker found us and took us to the sheriff or whoever..”

Honestly, that was all kind of a blur.

Alex's head was spinning. Fine, they hadn't said the word, but Michael was an alien. From outer space. And somehow the only thing he could come up with was that he'd be able to say that he officially had a thing for older men. Much older. It was a stupid joke and he didn't actually say it, but he didn't think he'd be able to come to terms with this here in this cave.

"Then you go to Max and you tell him to fix your hand," he said decidedly.

He took his hand off the pod and walked over to Michael, cupping his neck. The breath he took was shaky. "I'm not going to say that I'm okay... No, that sounds bad and I don't mean it that way. You, Max, Isobel. I'm okay with you. More than okay. I've known you all for years. Max, the goofy book nerd who's in love with Liz. Isobel, the queen of the school and one of the few popular girls who actually cares."

He shifted his hand and ran his thumb over Michael's jaw. "And then there's you, the boy I never saw coming." He smiled and then nodded back to the pods. "That? That's going to take some time."

And he honestly couldn't say that he wouldn't change his mind when the reality finally hit. But here Michael was, offering him a secret the likes of which Alex had never known, offering to fix the mistake that Alex had made by not standing up to his father, and offering him a way out. That outweighed any panic that might be peeking at him from the edges of his consciousness.

He stepped closer and pressed his other hand to Michael's chest to stop his hand from shaking.

That was better than Michael had expected, if not quite as good as he’d hoped, but, either way, totally fair. He could feel Alex trembling, and covered his hand with his own.

Hoping to reassure Alex, he summoned up a crooked smile, and leaned into his touch. “If it helps, that, this, us, is who you’ve known all these years. Like you said, you’ve seen all of me, up close. I’m not, like, shape-shifted or anything. At least in most ways, we’re just like you.” Minus the powers and acetone, but Alex hadn’t asked about how Max healed, so Michael held back the powers discussion.

“And this is the only home we’ve ever known, so we’re not trying to take it over or whatever. We’re really just three abandoned or lost kids. Maybe our parents came from somewhere else, but we don’t have any memories of anything before this cave. Far as we know, this is where we were born.”

There were differences, sure, things Michael had always held on to more than Max and Isobel, because in a life of constant rejection, holding on to something else, being something else, made it easier. If he didn’t belong here, then it didn’t matter if no one wanted him here. But with Alex, Michael had wondered if he maybe could finally belong.

Alex snorted when Michael mentioned trying to take the planet over because he had to admit that it sounded silly. He couldn't think of three people less likely to take anything over. Especially Michael. He couldn't think of anyone more against 'the man' than Michael, although maybe that'd be different if 'the man' were the people who'd left him here. Or maybe it wouldn't be, considering the three of them were here alone.

"You don't have to talk yourself up," he murmured. "I trust you, Michael, I do. It's just a kind of big thing to wrap my head around, you know? Not anything specific. Just the general concept."

Aliens were a concept he knew from books and from SETI, not something he'd ever expected to meet in his lifetime. And here was one in his...boyfriend? Was that what Michael was?

He leaned in and pressed his lips to Michael's in a soft kiss. "Now, fix your damn hand so you can serenade me," he whispered against Michael's lips.

Something loosened in Michael’s chest at Alex’s words, and even more so at the kiss. He rested his forehead against Alex’s, as his lips curved in a smile for a brief moment, before he pulled back a little. Concern flickered in his eyes.

“If I get Max to fix it, you see why I have to leave, right? I mean, if your dad saw me, and my hand was healed...”

And dropping this on Alex and asking him to still run away with him seemed like...a lot.

Alex pressed his lips together as his brain worked through the problem. "Do you want to leave?" That was the first question. If he wanted to leave, any other suggestions Alex might have were moot. They didn't need to worry about his father and they could just go off and be...free. If he even knew what that was.

"If you don't, we can figure something out. Get a cast on your hand until it 'heals' or something. I doubt dad would notice if what he did to you was permanent or not." He'd just been happy to punish Michael for his interference. Or maybe for touching Alex in the first place, it was hard to tell.

Just because Alex's family was crap didn't mean that Michael wanted to permanently leave Max and Isobel. Not something he would have thought of an hour ago, but an hour ago, he hadn't realized that Michael even had family.

"If it means keeping you from being forced into the Air Force, then, yes." He'd wanted out of here for a while; only Isobel's blackouts had made him change his mind, but if Alex was in danger, too? Michael had to do what he could to keep Alex safe, too.

The cast on his hand was a good idea, if they stayed, but if they stayed, and Alex wound up leaving Michael behind, then it wouldn't really matter. Nothing would.

Maybe that was melodramatic, teenage thinking, but it was how he felt.

He didn't want to leave them forever, granted, but...long enough to make sure Alex was safe. That his father couldn't hurt him anymore. Whether that was them being a little older, having their own money or standing, or learning how to fight back...they'd figure that out.

“What if I went on my own terms?” Alex asked slowly. “Not because it’s what he wants or expects, but for another reason altogether.” He hated the weakness in himself. He hated that he’d felt helpless when his father had gone after Michael. He’d done nothing but stare in horror. Something needed to change and sure, sure he could run away with Michael. A large part of him wanted to. Being with Michael was the most right he’d ever felt.

But. But Michael had been through so much and he shouldn’t always have to be the strong one. But Alex needed to learn to stand up for himself, to stand against his father. But he was afraid that not doing something and letting Michael take him away was the easy way out.

“What if I found a way,” he said, lowering his voice and leaning against Michael, “to keep you safe, all of you, if you ever needed it?”

It wasn’t ideal and yeah, the thought of being overseas terrified him, but if it meant being able to come back stronger for this boy who’d trusted Alex with this terrifying secret, then that’s what he’d do.

Michael pulled back enough to stare at him, horror flickering through his expression. The mere idea made his stomach twist right back up in knots, just when he was starting to relax again, as much as he could after spilling his big secret.

"No," he said, protesting. "I don't need you to keep me safe. I need you to stay. I can protect myself; I don't..." He swallowed back the panic that was catching in his throat, hating himself for it, because it proved how much Alex meant and Michael had made a point of not letting anyone but Max and Isobel mean that much. But he'd told him his secret, and it wasn't like he hadn't basically said it before. It just felt more after sharing what he had. "I don't want to lose you, too."

He'd lost his whole world, his family, his name, his language, his people, stuck on a world that never felt like it wanted him until this boy smiled at him, was kind to him.

He fumbled a little clumsily to wrap his fingers around Alex's. "Please stay..."

“I was helpless,” Alex said softly. “I just stood there and did nothing. It’s what I’ve done my whole life.” Sure, he stood up to his father, but only until his father pushed back, sometimes literally. “I…you’re too important to me.”

If he’d just stood up to his father, he might never have found out about Michael. But the thought that he might never be able to stand up to him was terrifying. Weak, he heard in the back of his head. The problem was that the voice wasn’t wrong. He was weak. And he didn’t want to rely on Michael to protect him.

“You’re not going to lose me, I promise.” He didn’t tell Michael that he’d thought about it. Just leaving. But that the urge to see Michael, make sure he was okay, that had been stronger.

“Look, I’m not going to go sign up tomorrow, but it’s something to think about. Who better to protect your secret than someone in the area of government who’s supposed to be hiding the existence of aliens.” Because everyone knew that it was the air force. Even if it wasn’t. …he didn’t think, at least.

"Then we...I don't know. Learn to fight. We leave, and we go somewhere with more people, where they'll have dojos or whatever and we can learn to fight. You don't have to be in the military, or go to war, to learn to fight back."

He clung a little tighter to Alex's hand, even as frustration flared inside. He hadn't told Alex his secret, risked everything in doing that, just for him to go ahead and leave anyway, just like everyone left.

"I don't want you off somewhere protecting my secret. That's not why I told you. I told you because I trust you, and...and I want you to know who I am, and..." He didn't fully have the words, didn't want to pathetically beg Alex not to leave him, but he could feel everything roiling around inside of him, and he hated the feeling. "You said if I could get my hand fixed, you'd go away with me. And now that you know, you want to leave?"

"I need to be better," Alex said desperately, wishing Michael could understand. Except he hadn't just stood there when Alex's father had confronted him. He'd fought back and stood up for both himself and Alex. And Alex needed to be able to return the favor. He needed to be able to protect Michael when it came down to it. Especially now that he knew.

"I need to be better for you. Stronger for you."

"I'm...I'm..." He was such a coward that he couldn't even say the word and sometimes he wondered if his father didn't have a point about how pathetic he was. He could stand up to his bully, but only because he'd known that bully before he was such an asshole.

He didn't stand a chance against his father.

"You can't fight all my battles, Michael. I don't want you to."

"I don't want to fight your battles for you, Alex." Michael's eyes were brimming with tears he didn't want to let fall, and he was repeating himself, but he didn't know what else to say. "People learn to fight every day without going to war."

He tried to think of something else to say that wasn't totally pathetic, but he couldn't, and the tears that had been blurring his vision fell. His throat was so tight he didn't think he'd get any words out, but eventually, they came.

"Please don't leave me."

Alex wasn’t sure what to say to that. He didn’t want to leave Michael either, but he felt useless. Worse than that, he felt like he was a burden. If he hadn’t needed protecting, if he’d been able to stand up to his father and tell him to fuck off, then they wouldn’t be having this conversation in the first place.

“I’m not leaving you,” he whispered. But even as he was saying them, he didn’t know what the promise meant. He wouldn’t go off and enlist? He’d take Michael with him? That whatever decision they ended up making, they were going to do it together. Maybe that one. He needed to be able to stand up to his father, he knew that much.

And being in the air force, well, wasn’t it the air force that was supposed to be responsible for hiding the existence of little green men? Even if the men in question (and woman) were neither green nor little. But he could see that he wasn’t going to be able to logic his way into or out of his with Michael and, to be honest, not with himself, either. They both needed time to recover from the last few days.

“Let’s find you a cast, though,” he said after a minute while his brain tried to work through the problems at hand. “If it looks like it’s being taken care of, nobody will question how well it heals.”

Michael didn't quite believe him, because people always left or sent you away, but he had to be content with it for now. He'd work on convincing Alex that there were other ways to stand up to his father. For now, he could trust that Alex wasn't going to just run off behind his back, at least. Hopefully.

So he nodded a little. "Maybe the free clinic will do one without too many questions? Or lab work?"

Because otherwise, he's not sure how to actually get one--he's not going to the ER. There are too many pieces he can't control there.

"“We could always try making our own?” Alex suggested. “That’s what the internet is for. I bet there’s a Wikipedia article or something about it.” Well, maybe not Wikipedia, but he was sure he could come up with something that would at least look enough like a cast to pass muster. And with enough luck, his father wouldn’t question it. And no one else would.

He took a little breath and it helped steady his nerves. Because there was some kind of plan. They were doing more than just going in circles. They needed to fix Michael and then make it look as if he weren’t fixed.

And only then could they figure out what they were going to do next. Maybe by then he could convince Michael that getting some kind of training was the best option."

"That could work." Relief flashed in Michael's eyes, even as he kicked himself for not thinking of it first. Yeah, they'd both had a lot of upheaval today, but Alex was thinking clearly, apparently, and, technically, he'd been the one to get a lot thrown at him.

"Okay. We should...get back to town, then?" He was a little disappointed by that idea, when they'd come out here to be alone, but. Once his hand was healed, they wouldn't have to be so careful, either.

Though he'd have to figure out what and how much to tell Max.

"Yeah, that's probably for the best. You have to deal with your hand and I need to do some research." And figure out how he was supposed to tap dance around his father. Because as soon as he father realized that Alex wasn't going to join the military, Alex was pretty sure that he was going to get kicked out. But that was a problem for another day when he could figure out what he was going to say. Maybe he'd tell his father he wanted to get his degree before going into the military.

Or maybe, by that point, he could just run away with Michael in tow.

"Where are you staying, now?" Since he couldn't be staying at the shed anymore.

Michael leaned in to brush a kiss over Alex's lips before shifting back and wrapping his good hand around Alex's more firmly. "Okay. So. Back to town..."

Even though he was reluctant to leave the cave, even for that. But the sooner his hand was fixed and they dealt with this part of it, the better they could think about the future. He just had to figure out what he was going to tell Max. Not that he'd told Alex, surely; at least, not right away. Max would have a fit, might not fix his hand just to punish him or something. (Not that Max had ever punished him, but it was an automatic thought and reflex).

His smile was a little crooked as he led Alex back out and answered his question. "At the junkyard."

Continuation from TFLN - (for thenewnormal)

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